Go

I'm doing this tonight
I know you'll start a fight. 
Don't want to make it tough,
I've just had enough.

See, I won't play the fool for you
in your silly game for two.
You know I loved you endlessly
when you weren't there for me.

So now it's time to leave
no room left for grief.

I just can't take the pain no more
so I want you out that door.

You're not the person I thought I knew
and my life would heavily improve
without this guy behind your masquerade,
don't apologize, you know it's too late.

So don't you think this is a lie.
I'm standing here, waving goodbye.
I know you can't give me a reason to stay,
so I'm checking out, I'm on my way.

Mistake

Yesterday, I got lost in the night.
He managed to make it feel easy and right.
But now that the moment has vanished and gone,
I'm left with a feeling so lonely and wrong.

The desperate wish for the things I can't get,
once more made me follow my hands, not my head.
I know it was one of my bigger mistakes,
to get lost in the frenzy 'till morning awakes.

Again, fantasy thrilled me in too many ways,
and I hit the ground hard by the light of day.

Damn, I don't want to feel like this,
don't want to be a name on his list.

His love is so selfish, no give and all take,
the desire to run makes me shiver and shake.
And yet I still feel his hands down my spine,

dissolving my will in his sweet-bitter wine.

No matter how I want to shout,
I just don't see an easy way out.
I fell for him, almost died by his kiss...
My fault, he just gave me what I wished.

So all that's left is take up the fight,
scratch up the humble pieces of my pride.
Tell myself to stand up and see
how I can find my way back to me.

But everytime I do,
you draw me back to you.
Like a faint echo in the night,
your pleasures still ring in the back of my mind...

-Ich-

Fucked up

On that day my heart found you,

the sun was bright and the sky was blue.
But your darkness gloomed inside,
and mesmerized me at first sight.

Your soft whispers haunt my sleep.
I'm all taken in by your waters so deep.
Your eyes scream of what you've been through,
that's why I shouldn't be alone with you.

I push you away and then pull you near,

you soothe and then you fuel my fear.

Yet I miss you and I'd love to come 'round,
but somehow I feel frozen and bound.
Scared to open your door, I shy away,
what will I see by the light of day?

Demons make a fool of you,
I've been where you are going through.
You take all the physical love you can get,
which one will I find spread out on your bed?

You say that you want me, that I keep you stable
but to let go of your patterns you are not able.
That makes me feel like just a fuck,
but damn, you know my heart is stuck!

So tell me, what am I supposed to do
with someone as screwed up as you???

-Ich-

More than that

You tell me I am your comfort and love,
I'm yours to cling to when things get rough.
And yet, what you are longing for,
is to make me one of three or more.

Darling, I am worth much more than that.
I don't really know if I'm hurt or mad.

It's hard for me to understand,
why you might want more than my hands.

I guess you're just that kind of man,

who keeps his options as long as he can.

But if you cannot commit to me,
my backlights are all that you will see.

Yes, if you want to fuck around,

I will leave without a sound.
But should you want me in your bed,

just leave the others, go ahead!

Revenge

You caught my eye and I believed
that you were my saviour in times of need.
Blinded by faith I couldn't hear
the shouted whispers, the warnings so clear.
Through your glitter I couldn't see
your dark intentions, your plans for me.

Instead you kept me entangled in nightmares
and a world in which nobody dares
to love and to trust.
The dark side of lust.
And when you were finally done with me
I'd become much too weak to flee.

My dark demon, tell me why?
What was the thorn in your eye?
Your fate was tough, that's true,
but is this a valid reason for you
to cause this much pain and strife?
You could have chosen another path in life.

Now I got you at my feet
and darling I will make you bleed.
I have looked straight through that door
and there's no escape, no mercy no more.
I feel no remorse for I still do remember
the fire, the ashes and the ember,
your grin when you raped both body and heart,
the satisfied smile when you tore me apart.

-Ich-

Anyone's prize

She was never strong enough
to give me comfort, care and love.
No, she never cared to share the weight
of the burdens on my plate.
For I was such a perfect kid
with no room for any trouble to it.

So if at home you cannot be recognized,
You have to find other ways to let your spirit run wild.
But where could I turn then?
That's where the trouble began.

There he was, tall and strong,
telling me where I belong.
He, he saw me as I was,
the dark spots, the drama, the love.
Being a rock, he offered a place
where I could let go of my fears and cares.

All that I would have to do,
is offer him my body for use.
But that seemed to be a small price,
so I chose to pay and got lost in his vice.

His course led me astray,
disoriented, I lost my way.
My curves became my only excellence,
not worth anything 'till he'd use me again.

And then you tell me that you don't need
to see my body at your feet.
With you, I finally understood
that this is my body, no bargaining good!
Thank you for helping me realize
that I don't have to be anyone's prize!

-Ich-

Dare

I want to lean on you but I dont dare,
I'm afraid to ask you for care.
I don't want to see you cry,
with my sorrow being the reason why.

My mom has never been strong enough
to be there when things got rough.
How often did she cry, and her tears
forced me to protect her through the years.
No matter what sorrow came my ways,
it was mine alone to face.

Now anxious to be a burden I almost let go
of your kindred spirit and soul.
So please, help me understand
that not every woman drowns in the sand
as soon as I share my weight
or let them know of my inner shades.

True friendship can only be found
where walls come tumbling down.
So please teach me to trust again,
tell me that you want and you can
not only be there through the funny and good,
but share my dark days like she once should.

-Ich-

Wiegenlied

Bleib liegen, mein Kind.

Es streichelt Dich der Wind.

Schlüpf unter meine Schwingen,

wo tröstende Worte erklingen.

Werde ruhig, hier kannst Du sein.

Ich bin Dein Hafen, Dein Anker, Dein Stein.

Auf Deiner Stirn fühl kühl meine Hand,

fühl Dich geborgen und erkannt.

Ich sorge dafür, dass keiner Dich findet.

Mein Mantel er schützt, er kühlt und er lindert.

Bald wirst Du geheilt sein, der Schmerz verraucht.

Bleib liegen, ich halt Dich solange es braucht.

Einst schützte mein Körper Dich vor Schmerz.

Lagst eng und nah unter meinem Herz.

Ich schenkte Dir das Leben,

nun lass meine Liebe Dir Geborgenheit geben.

-Ich-

Hypocrite

You call it regard, I call it fear.
Are you really the stronger one here?

You call it thoughtful silence, I'd say you're bending the truth.
You just love to bathe in your blues.

You call it sharing, I'd say you get rid of your load,
and don't care if I stumble upon that road.

You call it reluctance, I call it stepping on my feet.
Confrontation was never your strongest feed.

You call it care, I'd say you just bait me.
No wonder I struggle to get myself free.

You say you're in need, that noone is there.
So why do you push away those who care?

I finally let loose.
I won't walk in these shoes.
They're too small for my feet,
I will not walk the way they lead.

I finally rip
all free of your grip.


-Ich-

Not the way things work

This is not the way things work,
suddenly I'm supposed to love a jerk...

Once, you were one of my folks,
the one who laughed loudest at my jokes.
My strong man and never less,
you ran to rescue the damsel in distress.
Showed interest in my beliefs,
were there through pain and grief.
Set up for discussion those funny things,
covered all the missing links.
Yes, you were always there,
with time to spare.

And now you tell me this wasn't you
and that having believed you made me a fool.
That you acted just to be loved,
but as soon as I had gained your trust,
you showed that underneath your roles,
you're a careless person from head to soles.

No sign you'd ever think of me.
How can life with such a guy be?
I fell for the man that I knew,
that image you so skillfully painted of you.
And now you expect me to suddenly love,
a person I never met or heard of???

This is not the way things work.
I won't let myself get hurt
by a person who never realised there,
that to be cared for, you first have to care!

-Ich-

On your side

You should know;
wherever you go,
that I am on your side.
Open your heart up wide,
pull me to your chest,
come with me to rest!
Sometimes it may seem useless to fight,
but babe, remember: I'm on your side!

As we smiled and we touched,
we talked and made love,
soon I tightened my grip.
God, I won't let you slip!

But can we breathe this way?
Is there air for our feelings to stay?

For I have never felt like this,
the more we fight the more I long for your kiss.
Well, we never argued like this before.
Is it because we never meant more?

But each confession I make,
each leap of faith I take,
translates to you as an insult.
I don't want to talk about fault,
but we both should surely get rid
of this sad and destroying habit.

So, no matter what may be in the end,
I know in some way, I'll be holding your hand.
In any way it is worth the fight,
'cause baby, I am on your side!

-Ich-

Once

Once there was pain
trying to feel in vain
if I touch you in a way
if I'm worth for you to stay.
The pain faded slow,
but 'once' was a long time ago...

Once it left cuts
thinking of the sluts
that you liked to screw,
no matter who.
The cuts they healed slow,
but 'once' was a long time ago...

Once I did cry
asking me why
you dont let me in
was it my sin?
The tears they dried slow
but 'once' was a long time ago...

Once I mistook
silences sharp hooks
for painful punishment,
felt chastized in the end.
Confusion left slow,
but 'once' was a long time ago...

Once I didnt see
how fragile you could be,
that it was only helplessness
that manouvered us into that mess.
Awareness came slow,
but 'once' was a long time ago...

'Once' faded in the shades
and enlightenment evades
how two lost souls
can fail to give hold.

Yes, we faded slow,
but 'we' was a long time ago....

-Ich-

Ice

They say I have resigned
to the winter in this heart of mine.

They say I should scream and shout
when I just don't know how to be loud.

They say I should have the desire
to fight and to kindle a fire.
But none of this I feel
my heart is only cold as steel.

Why do they want me to hate?
When arousing this motion means reliving my fate.
I avoid to feel feelings in any form,
knowing they'll devour me in a storm.

The ice inside my soul
was meant to protect me and keep me whole.
Till now I lived inside this shell
quite comfortably and quite well.

Yes, ice statues do easily break,
but kept nice and cold, how much pressure they take!
I learned to love its frozen calm,
inside this ice, I feel so warm...




And yet...

Sure, often I feel out of touch
with the outside world I desire so much.
It would be nice to feel alive at last,
but I've accepted this to stay out of my grasp.
Just outside of my reach,
unless I find me someone to teach
me the knowledge of ways to let go
of that shell that protected me so...


-Ich-

Toy

If you call me your baby,

you must have misunderstood me, 

for I just want to play with your soul,

see if it breaks or stays whole.

If I should need your hands,

I'll conjure up some romance, 

make you feel the one,

and let go when I'm done.

Effortlessly making you thank

me for the precious time I spent.

I don't need no gifts or money,

Darling, I just want you to owe me.

That is my way,

the game that I play.

Yes, my intentions may be shady,

indeed, in case that you should bore me, 

I'll send you back on your way.

It's your call if I let you stay.

-Ich-

Fuck

You fucked me once but not again.
You let me feel your heavy hand.

You had to have it all,
hurt both body and soul,
fuck me up so rough...
Well have you had enough?

You greedy little asshole
I'm done playing my role.
Beware for I will be the one
to make you hate what you've become
and leave you in your misery
just as you did with me!

I finally cleaned up your mess
and feel my scars a little less.
Life's hard enough in any kind
without you fucking up my mind!

-Ich-

Subdued

You want to stay alive,

then bow to me, my child. 

You'll be alright

and survive the night,

if you just call out my name 

and let your screams burn through my veins.

My pretty infantile,

I knew it all the while, 

you sit and try to play me, 

just like you see on TV.

My little girl, be wise,

don't try to compromise.

You'll learn to love to hate it

as soon as the pain has faded.

So struggle and scream to keep your breath

or remain silent and give yourself to death... 

So baby, come on, call my name,

you're safe as long as your screams burn in my veins...

-Ich-

Fly

You lie belly up
in that puddle of mud
that once has been you
don't dare to taint me, too!


I wrap up my skirts and jump back a step
beware that your puddle will make me wet
those muddy waters should never touch
a spirit that can give so much.


As I jump and I squeak
a rose tints my cheek
for this delightful exercise
makes me both healthy and wise.

How could I ever fall
for a person so small
for a mind so frail
that it can only fail.

Me, the mother of a child
who bears a spirit so happy and wild,
who stands in the middle of her life
being a woman, a lover, a wife.

I'm laughing out loud
as my dancing feet find out
how high they can possibly fly
without your muddy waters darkening my sky.

-Ich-

Long ago and yet so close

So many years since my world was trembling,
so many years since that terrible dream.
On that day my youth was crumbling
and nothing was ever as it seemed.

I tried to run but my feet were frozen
I tried to scream but there was no sound.
Now in my head there are voices screaming:
"Girl you should know better by now!"

But not knowing what had hit me then,
not able to turn to anyone,
I faced that man again and again,
in any given shape or form.

I screamed and cried for someone to save me,
but how do you save someone from themselves?
All those years my wishes have been
drowning in the wishing well.

It was long ago and  far away,
but over again he'd rise
from the midst of yesterday
to hit me by surprise.

Joined forces

Never come closer

never touch

the thought of being together

was always too much

For then what would be left with me?

No way to feel the guilt.

No room for loving memories.

Nor air to feel my will.

She went to great lengths

to keep us apart,

now I found the strength

to fight for my part.

Yet I'm afraid of her being around

and the damage she may bring.

Will I be able to stand my ground,

to withstand her sweet sting?

As long as I am that undecided

I know she must be locked away.

We have always been devided

please, let's cooperate today!

For if together we finally dare

to oppose her on all our ways,

then one day no matter when or where

her part of us we will embrace.

-Wir, äh, nee, ich-  :)

Goodbye

Our future's clouded over where it used to shine like light,
and its rays keep caving in, till they're lost in the night...
I told myself over again that everything in time,
will find it's way home again, but I'm so tired of crying.

Lovely hours we spent lost in fantasy,
we let go and could finally just be.
But time went on as minutes ran too fast,
like you they are gone into my past.


I foresake you that second chance,
for only then I'll be able to dance
through my life again,
forget your pain.

So don't come knocking on my door,
I won't answer your calls no more.
No matter how you draw me near,
those days are finally over, my dear.


This mind of mine is still in its place
but the rest of this is much too hard to face.
Now, in freedom there is peace
and I can finally just breathe.

You not me

I move through the masses
and see me through your glasses
as ist sparkles and shines
that caleidoscope of mine
which is all I let you see
to hide the empty shell of me

And I try with all my might
to see what you could possibly like
Is it my ability to bend
which makes me the perfect friend...

Understanding evades
what you could love in those shades
Is it the skillfull way I wear my smile?
to learn to let that go might take a while...

To keep them from hurting me even more
I tried so hard to hide my core
leaving a shadow without substance
that walks behind who you think I am


What you see...
It's you, not me...

-Ich-

Three

I look up and meet your eyes
and I start to feel the fires,
feel the love inside me grow,
brighter than I've ever known.

Come on, let's travel our memory
together like always, you and me.

The stories, the drama, the treasure,
we've lived through it all together,
through the laughter and the tears,
you've conquered all my fears.
Our souls are almost one
and we've only just begun...

This heart will never be owned by another,
for you are more than just my lover,
but the friend who loves and who leads,
you have made my life complete.

And faster then we'd know
I felt your seed inside me grow,
my body carried and nursed your child,
making me feel natural and right.

And now we are a family
you and me are finally three.
Come and take our hand,
together we will stand,
for we were always meant to be,
that little girl and you and me...

-Ich- (heute mal kitschig)

Push and shove

I trampel down my boundaries
just to feel a little peace.
I jump over the edge with joy
and make myself your puppy toy.
I lay low and hurt myself
till you come to take me off your shelf.

For love can only be gained
if earned by the greatest of pains.
The greater the pain, the deeper the love
this is how push comes to shove.

-Ich-

Emotional fists

Black and blue from emotional fists

and you're the man who makes me feel like this.

It hurts, who are you to beat me up?

Though broken, my heart beats and will not stop.

It hurts, who are you to beat me up?

Though fragile, my soul flies and will not stop.

It hurts, who are you to beat me up?

Though sore, my body stands tall and will not stop.

Yes, I hurt but I'm not about to give me up!

-Ich-

Submission

Please, tell me what to do
I love to be devoted to you
cause being told, it makes me free
and I can finally just be
for then I dissolve in my destiny

Those times you bring my body to life
my mind lets go of all its strife
but that moment fades too soon
fantasy bursts like a balloon
pain and loneliness stay
as we get up to go a separate way

So next time I should know
this is not the way to go
but will I be able to withstand
your call, fantasy's enticing chant?

For those who foolishly gave me what I wanted
-Ich-

Gilded Cage

Sing for me now
All the world is a stage
Smile take a bow,
From your gilded cage

-Blackmore's Night

Behind the glass, safe she feels

those beatiful roses just make her bleed

for fragile porcellain angels

break at the slightes of dangers

Still she nurses a restless heart

behind those stable walls of glass

it only dares to cry

when noone's around asking her why

It is crying for a saviour 

To love, to need and completely want her

someone who in any form
can help her make it through the storm

The white knight

to turn her world right

for her he would care

with him she could dare

to step out that cage

and face the world's rage

But the longer she walked on alone

carrying dreams carved in stone

keeping her soul shut away

from the lifelihood of day

the more the fire got old

till the embers finally grew cold

But one thing the emptiness did show

there is no knight to rescue her soul

only inside it could be found

that strength that could pick her up from the ground

So she jumped and dived deep
into her dark-watered sea
and up rose three sisters to fight
and help her frail mind to the light

The mother so loving an warm
could give her the long needed calm
the gipsy lively and free
taught her spirit to fly and to be
the child, the frailest of all
answered her loudest of calls
she learned that weakness could be loved
and a temper so kind and so soft
can have a place outside
no need to cave in and to hide

They touched and loved her creative mind

until one day she did find
it easy to turn the page

by stepping out of that cage

So yes, she will sing for you now

shout the rich feelings out loud

in a stunning melody

for all the world to see

for now she can finally touch

the things that she wanted so much.

-Ich-

Peace

You give me healing
this is the feeling
that is so right
with you by my side

No boundaries overstepped
never alone and left
the harbour I need
you nurse and you feed
both body and soul
so they can grow whole

With you I am strong
with you I 'll go on
in a healthy way
stop preying and being prey

You give more than you take
but your effort will make
me once strong enough
to give you strength and love
to show you I'm whole enough to take
all the burdens on your plate

One day, I'll nurse your kind soul
and take over the role
you so elegantly played
in my dark and desperate days

Für meine grosse Liebe
-Ich-

Enchanted

I hear your whispers break the silence 

and I feel the violence 

it makes me calm 

as you grab my palm

You tasting my lips, your salty kiss

eases my overwhelming wish

I'm seeking out the danger

as you seem to be a stranger 

One day you will hurt me so,

That I will have to go 

I'll drown, 

you'll take me down.

And yet I need you all the way

enchanted I will have to stay. 

You call to me, 

you set me free.

I relinquish to your powers

as my body becomes ours 

from your grasp, I just can't hide

you tease and tickle my pride

cause you make me feel alive.

I need the danger 

I have to conquer

I have to try to prevail

even though each time I fail 

I long for you, even though its pain 

I need to be with you again. 

I fear you, my dangerous friend

My destiny till the end.

Für meinen inneren Dämon
Ich vergebe Dir.
-Ich-

Suicide by Cop

Deep into a dying day 
I prepare to hate your well known way
and I know tonight you will deal the blow
to my innocent and fragile soul

Aware that it will hit me hard
I take a step outside my heart
but as old habits die even harder
I have to follow your winding road farther
Your enchanting disguise changes all my rules
so I don't care to go down frail and cruel

Your wild run's greatest thrill 
is to hurt and not to kill 
and yet to have the prize of the night 
which for just a minute will make me feel right

From the last dance to the first kiss 
your touch will be my bliss 
though you're nothing but a false friend 
who betrays me for nothing in the end
Oh how I wish I could finally stop
this ever-returning suicide by cop

-Ich-

Haunted

Your words still whisper in my mind

for all these years they kept me blind

through the time I felt like hollow shell

I knew you were there by my side when I fell

Watching me, wanting me

to follow your path foolishly

fearing you, loving you

you're the one who pulls me through

You're hunting me like prey

you like the smell of my blood in every way

you save me, you rape me

without you I cannot be

But you couldn't stop the dawn

I learned to resist when I am drawn

by now I know your face

I know your name, your enticing ways

Though fear and love tear me asunder

I won't let you pull me under

-Ich-