Don't follow me / Too perfect

Don't you dare come any closer,
cause this is gonna start all over.
We are running toward the wall,
Darling, you dont know me at all.

Yes, I can make your dreams come true
before you wonder what you got into
I can be what you always wanted
but soon you will wake up nothing but haunted.

Your tears won't mean a thing to me
thank the men who made me be
this wretched piece of flesh and lust
that tends to leave nothing but dust.

So boy, please do not follow me home,
you're much too fragile for my hands to own
I just care too much for you
to see you end up all shattered and blue...

--------------------------

See it from the outside
Running against the wall
The devil bless my blind eye
Cause I don't get you at all

Once I was a loner
Till You made some dreams come true
Now I sit in a corner
Wondering what I got into

I should never have followed you home
Too fragile for your hands to own
If I take the hurt and choose to stay
I know, some day I'll fade away

Rub me up the wrong way

Sometimes I hate every word you say,
I hate your smile, your thoughts, your way.
Sometimes I wanna slap you till you see
what the hell you are doing to me.

You make me wanna stab your back
and then kiss every inch of your neck.
Why do you rub me up this way?
Why do you say those things you say?

There's no one ever quite like you,
you push all my buttons without knowing you do.
Please, just once try to wrap your brain
around my feelings and don't be so vain!

I wonder so much how we came to be
but without you, I feel incomplete...
Well, you're an asshole but what can I do?
I guess I just really do... love you.

Private Parts

Tell me did I do something wrong?

Why do you keep me hanging on?

I lay awake, contemplating, 

why the hell do you keep me waiting?

Give it up, what are you afraid of?

Love sucks when you don't know what it's made of!

We get naked but I can't undress your heart,

I'd love to see your private parts!

You know every part of me,

I let you in, I let you see

the dark and the colors of my room.

Let me get to know yours, too!

And tell me all about your past,

why you painted some walls black at last.

It's all right, you're safe here with me,

open up so I can see!

Don't you hide, I sure won't tell

with me, you can dare to be yourself.

I'll love every part of you

Trust me, that's all you'll have to do.

But every time I try to get closer,

you make a joke and the conversation's over.

I'm right here, don't you leave me in the dark,

show me your private parts!

This is my life

So this is the life they talk about
this is what I couldn't live without.
This is what grown-ups tend to do.
But it's not me, and it's not you.

These four walls feel like a prison
instead of paradise I couldnt wait to live in,
so I just drink myself to sleep again
how did I strand here in the end?

It's getting hard to keep myself
from losing all the treasures on my shelf
to something I can't seem to find
I'm going crazy time by time

'Cause all the dreams in life are gone
and turned to nightmares all alone.
They hit me right between the eyes
So, this is my life...

Here or there

My body is curled in a U-shape,
I put on my best but I'm still afraid,
propped up by lies and promises,
saving my place as life forgets...

I want to live with my family
then I leave them for your obscurity
One week I just want to go home
the next day I take flight and roam

Please tell me I can have it all,
that I'm not heading for a fall...
Maybe it's time I opened my eyes
to my fantasies and lies...

You don't think I'd see this through?
So tell me what I'm gonna do
cause I'm still too tired to care
if I am really here or there...

Too tired to care

Here I am, existing in limbo,
lost within the myth and placebo,
and don't really mind if I just fade
and throw my life all away.

Following nothing but suit and directions,
I crawl up inside for protection,
doing what I must without knowing why
just living on from lie to lie...

I feel that I will have to go
but which way, I just don't know..
Sometimes this life, it just ain't fair
but I am much too tired to care...

Dying

I can't breathe when I'm with you
but leaving is nothing I could do.
If either way can't make me feel well...
Just tell me what will I do in hell?

There's nothing left they can do to me
no torture ever worse to be.
Cause we've been through it over again
the love, the fire, the doubt, the pain.

Darling, I'll stay, don't get me wrong,
don't even wanna think about moving on.
It's just that I finally can see it clear:
Dying is all we're doing here...

Wind

Fragen, Fragen, Fragen
Ich kann erst in ein paar Tagen.
Doch davor, da muss ich noch...
Mist, da ist es schon, das Loch.

Du verwöhntes kleines Ding!
So ist's mit Kind und Ehering!
Andre rennen auch nicht weg,
werfen sich jammernd in den Dreck.

Andre stellen sich der Pflicht,
ausbrechen, das gibt es nicht.
Lerne endlich, erwachsen zu sein,
ersticke die Zweifel bereits im Keim!

In mir schreits: "Was ist it mir?"
"Ich, ich gehe unter hier!"
Mein Geist ist noch ein tanzendes Kind,
das atmen kann nur mit dem Wind.

"Sieh her, ich bin erwachsen und stark."
sagte die Seele bevor sie starb.
und damit dies nicht mein Schicksal sei
lass mich gehen, lass mich frei...

Fly on by

All my life I knew
the things I need are few.
Just a place that I call home,
a shelter from a world of stone.
A lover free and wild
and the soft touch of my child.

Our four walls do give this to me
at least most of the time to be...
...but they hurt me like prison walls
everytime the north wind calls.

Am I crazy, what can I do?
A stupid thing to give in to...
But pain, it grows in every way,
the more I know I have to stay.
And drained of all action, still I lie
'till the north wind flies on by...

Grown

She did say no
though she didn't say it loud
she whispered and pleaded to let go
but she didn't scream and shout

She was still that little girl
too scared to stand up to him
lying there, enduring the hurt
afraid that 'no' could be a sin

I can feel her hopelessness
lying there, whispering for help
and I blame her even less
for 'twas her like me who never yelled

No, we are not to blame
and this is why I make this vow
to never again just take the shame
for  we are grown up women now
--------------------------------------

yes, She did say no
whispered and pleaded to let go
no, she didn't say it loud
No,  she didn't scream and shout

She was still that little girl
lying there, enduring the hurt
too scared to stand up to him
afraid that 'no' could be a sin

I can feel her hopelessness
and I blame her even less
for 'twas her like me who never yelled
just lying there, praying for help

No, we are not to blame
and this is why I make this vow
to never again just take the shame
for  we are grown up women now

Life of a caterpillar

It's been hard work spinning me in,
been such a long time since I did begin.
So many long years in strife and pain,
already doubting there'd be any gain.

Though hiding scared in my healing cocoon,
yet I never stopped dreaming of the moon.
'Cause it was her voice that I've always heard
leading me through all the hurt.

And now there it was, another voice,
ringing clearly above the word's noise.
The sun sang its wonderful melody,
telling tales of things to be.

Enticing me, asking me why
I never saw moon AND sun in the sky.
It kindled the sudden and overwhelming need
to follow them both and made me complete.

'Cause without the one, the other can't be,
that's why I lived with only one half of me.
Filled with the sun's fire and the calm of the  moon,
I finally stepped out of my cocoon.

And here I am, fluttering all shy,
sitting on the branches, too scared yet to fly.
I still have to get used to those frail wings,
gain trust that they'll carry me above all things.

But the longer the hot sun burns on my skin,
making all my colours glow bright from within,
the more I steadily recognize,
that my place has always been here, right in the skies!

Der Wicht

Wann immer sie kommt, die alte Flut,
die Enttäuschung, die Angst und auch die Wut.
Wann immer Du sie suchst, die Schuld
begegne ihr nur mit Geduld
und denke an den armen Wicht,
der Dein Beweis war, und mehr nicht.

Du suchtest die Qual, wolltest das Leid,
trugst es wie ein schmückendes Kleid.
Kämpftest wie ein Löwin stark
um zu erreichen den glorreichen Tag
an dem er ganz und gar Dir gehöre
und er sich ganz in Dir verlöre.

Doch was geschah, kaum, dass es erreicht?
Das ersehnte Ziel wurde Dir gleich.
Denn was Du suchtest war Friede und Ruh
und diesen Frieden hattest du.
In einem Zuhause beständig und warm,
in Deines geliebtes Mannes Arm.
Doch geniessen konntest Du all das nicht
ohne der Schuld Gegengewicht.

Drum sieh, das was Dein Geist ersehnt
nur selten den Weg zur Zufriedenheit wähnt.
Das, was Du brauchst ist das, was du hast.
Geniesse es ohne die Last,
die Du Dir immer aufgezwungen.
Sieh her, es ist bereits gelungen!
Öffne die Augen, du musst es nur glauben,
hör auf, Dir selber das Leben zu rauben!

Not thinking

Woke up beside you and a bottle of champaign

damn, how did we let this happen again?

I always end up letting you in,

we both fight this fight and we both never win

When I start drinking, 

I'm just not thinking...

I should have listened to all of my friends,

Same road and always the same dead ends,

But I can't forget you when you're gone,

and you can't leave as long as I'm holding on.

So what can I say?

yes, I made a mistake 

you'll never change, I know

but when you're with me, I start to glow.

Every time that I start to forget

There you come, showing up in my head

then you go and leave me with nothing

and all my dreams come down crushing

I'm dying inside 'cause I don't have a clou,

how the hell you manage to get through!

Do you, too just pretend

and then sit and cry in the end?

I know it'll just stay the same,

I proudly take my part of the blame. 

while we'll both be holding on

Even though we know that it's wrong...

Already broken

I just can't get my heart over you.

Why do you creep into everything I do? 

Having nothing and yet so much to lose,

I lay here, all beat down and bruised.

Reminding me to let go of you, 

I'm breaking all down each time I do. 

How long until this goes away?

How long can I keep those demons at bay?

About to break what's already broken. 

I try to breathe but I'm only choking.

He is there, and so are you,

between you, I kneel, lost and confused.

Inner devil

You want my company tonight?
Well boy, I can give it to you right.
I'll take us to a higher level
'cause hell, you've woken up my devil.
You foolishly unlocked his cage in me,
and my devil and me, we're one hell of a team.


You should be careful what you're wishing for,
there's no way back if we step out that door.
And even though I didn't come here for a ride,
if you wanna bark boy, you better have a bite!
'Cause everytime the devil breaks free,
he locks up and just throws away the key...

I ain't been crazy for much too long, 

yet in your eyes I can see nothing wrong.

I tried so hard to hold me down
but damn, I feel good when he comes around.

By now his foot is on the pedal,
yes, I love my inner devil!

Thing for you

Yesterday, there was no warningand now that it's already morningWhere do you want to go from here?Are your thoughts of me more clear?
I know the night was hazybut as your eyes flutter lazyI remember the movements of your backand over and over kissing your neck.I remember laying you down,remember loving all your sounds
Yes, boy I got a thing for youThough I know that you have someone whoWonders where you were last nightsomeone nice to share your life.
But here, in bed, looking at youI sure don't think that we are through'cause last night you blew my mind.And as our lips touch one more time...As I feel your body move...I really got a thing for....you...

Both sides of me

They've always been there, what can I do?
How to combine them, I don't have a clou.
But I know I need her, that bad little girl
to enjoy my peaceful world.
Need my world of love and trust
to run to a place where all is lost.

'Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose',
that's what I sing when I get the blues.
But most of the time - and that's the shit-
my freedoms means that I don't fit.
For I am just a two-men-girl,
constantly living in two different worlds.


My foot on the pedal loves the speed

still not knowing where this road may lead.

For as much as I do love my home

I love the streets, that I use to roam.

I guess the only way to ever feel free
is to start loving both sides of me.

Use me

She has a life full of love
yet it's never enough.
She'll take my heart
and tear it apart.
But hey, it's allright
as long as I'm the one tonight...

I'm burning with fire
Yeah, she's a liar
and a careless con
I know that it's wrong

But I'm not crazy, I won't fight it

she's gonna use me and I'm gonna like it!

Challenge

Am I really worth her while?
I sure cannot compare to her style
but no matter what she puts me through
I can stand it, it's me she runs to

I know it's wrong, but I'm on fire
she says she loves me but I know she's a liar
so I'll just have to clench my fist
and smile as long as I'm first on her list

Yet her ways  kind of hurt my pride
tickling and teasing the monster inside.
So if you wanna play it this way
come on baby, I won't back away!

Let's see if you can take my heart
trample on it and tear it apart
or if it's your turn to be one of the fools
stumbling over your own stupid rules.

Innocence lost

Me and God, we don't get along.
So come to me, your arms are so strong.
And while you posesss me I try to believe
that this is my heaven how it ought to be.

I don't care about the cost,
don't care if my innocence is lost.
I live a life of freedom and dirt,
I take back some pleasure for every hurt.

Yes, I was being fucked hard
by a life that only imitated art.
In a land of monsters and fake beauty queens
God's dead, but that's alright with me.

Kingdom of monsters

Lost in the land of Monsters and Gods,
still surviving against all odds.
An angel alone in the garden of evil,
screwed up, scared and doing what she needed.

Life took away with cruelty
her softness, her kindness, her sanity.
How much of an angel is still there,
buried deep inside of her?

Too high is the cost of mere survival,
one more soul lost to Gods rival.
Yes, in the kingdom of monsters
your light will fade 'till it's one of theirs...

Different

Why do I want this, I never should,
I always ruin anything good.
And though I wish for it in my dreams,
I'm too afraid of balance it seems.

No lover before ever really could touch me,
love was fun, laughter and awfully free...
But he, he is different, my rules don't apply, 
so I need some distance to step out of line.
And as head over heels I run and take flight
I realize it's just myself that I fight...

Zwei Wege

Du bist das Leben, das ich nicht gelebt.
Der Teil des Netzes, den ich nicht gewebt.
Die Erfahrung, die ich nicht gemacht.
Bist Du der Tag, dann bin ich die Nacht.

Lockst mich mit deinem lieblichen Schein
"Komm her zu mir, hier willst Du sein!"
Doch wie für die Motte das helle Licht
Bist Du meine Erlösung nicht.

Zwei Straßen, so ungleich wie's nur geht
Und ich, ich wählte meinen Weg.
Wo eine Tür aufgeht, geht eine andre zu.
Und diese Tür, das bist Du.

My dear friend

My dear adventurous friend,

you got me into massive trouble again...

I hear the sunset's lonely call

as the night's about to fall.

And your cloudy shadow becomes mine

as you come to get me one more time...

Just when I thought I won the fight

I feel your whispers deep inside,

saying: "Don't be afraid, I don't hurt anyone,

it's an innocent game that's just begun."

"But don't you dare become too proud,"

the choir of whispers becomes a shout,

warning:: "I know what's best for you

just give in my dear, just do!"

Like this it goes, both day and night

neither one will win the fight.

So what can I do in the end?

but give in to you, my friend...?

Like the sun and moon share one sky

you and me both share my life.

Making it so much richer this way,

keeping demons and fears at bay.

So I respect you now,  my friend,

looking forward to meet you again...

Rosa Monster

Hallo Monster, wie siehst Du heut aus?
Bist du groß wie'n Kirchturm oder mächtig wie'n Haus?
Du versuchst mir den Tag zu versauen
mich zu lähmen und die Zukunft zu verbauen.

Aber nein, Monster, nicht mir mir!
Ich mach Dich zu meinem Kuscheltier!
Kraft meiner Gedanken wirst Du ungefährlich
ein kleines Mönsterchen, vollkommen entbehrlich.

Ich mach Dich fluffig, rosa und pink
niedlich, weich, kuschelig oder flink.
Statt meine Nemesis zu sein
wandern wir gemeinsam über Stock und Stein.
Du bist mein Farbklecks am tristen Tag,
bist mein Beschützer, den ich mag.

Immer wenn Du versuchst ein Monster zu sein
setz ich die Kraft meiner Gedanken ein:
Du schrumpfst und ich nehm Dich auf meinen Arm.
Vorbei ist die Angst vor dem Monster-Alarm!

:)

Wie man sich bettet...

So lange konnte ich nicht verstehen
hab lang es nicht geschafft zu sehen,
dass nicht ich allein trage die Schuld
an Traurigkeit, Leid und Ungeduld,
der Menschen rund um mich herum
dies zu glauben wäre dumm.


Doch manchmal ist es so gesund
für meine Seele, geschunden und wund
einfach Verantwortung abzugeben
nur zu schauen auf mein eigenes Leben.

Vielleicht muss ich garnicht wütend sein
vielleicht auch nicht wahren den schönen Schein
denn jeder Mensch sollte wissen:
Er bettet sich auf seinem eigenen Kissen
und ist es unbequem, sieh her!
Trag nicht ich die Schuld, sondern er!

Wut?

Warum kann ich nicht wütend sein?
Stell ich mir damit selber ein Bein?
Traurig ja, verletzt sowieso.
Ausgelassen, frühlich un froh.

Doch die Wut entgleitet mir
wie ein geübtes Dschungeltier,
das sich im Unterholz versteckt
vom Jäger ewig unentdeckt.

Erfroren

Ich bin zu fragil für diese Welt.

Eine Feder, die statt nur fliegen nur fällt,

unsanft landet auf dem Asphalt

in schmutzigen Pfützen, nass und kalt.

Bald schon sieht gerupft sie aus,

und der Spiegel in meinem Haus

zeigt auch mir mein zerrupftes Ich,

deutlich in den Linien auf meinem Gesicht.

Der Schmerz und die Trauer dieser Welt

so oft aus dem Nichts über mich herfällt,

mich mitnimmt und mich trägt hinfort

an einen trüben grauen Ort.

An dem die Menschheit grausam scheint,

nichts Liebenswertes in sich vereint.

Und ich, einsam und verloren,

dazwischen, nahezu erfroren.

Familiarity of home

Lets get the story straight
there's so much about your ways I hate
you're nothing but egoism run wild
and a spirit so limited and blind.

In one second you're warm and giving
and the next moment you don't seem to care if I'm living
and because all that counts in your world is you
you don't notice the pain you're putting me through.

But you remind me of my mom
familiarity of home
that's the reason I couldn't let go
that's the reason I couldn't say no.

You and her, you're just the same
caught up in your fucking game
nothing but self-absorbed kids
to be honest, you're making me sick!

Finally, the struggle gets old
with persons so self-centered and cold
I'm done putting up with this shit
'cause I sure deserve more than you can give!

Verzagtes Herz

Verzagtes Herz
verdrängter Schmerz
Zweifel, der immer währt
und sich nicht um Wahrheit schert.

Doch Dein Herz ist zu schön
viel zu schön um zu vergehn
in diesem Morast
in dem Du Dich verfangen hast.

Ein Gemüt so sanft
wie nur eine Mutter sein kann
Du kümmerst und liebst
bist glücklich wenn du gibst.

Bist weich und warm
bin geborgen in deinem Arm
will der sein, an den Du Dich lehnst
wenn nach Halt du dich sehnst.

Du gibst den Gedanken andrer Gewicht
und verstehst doch Dich selber nicht
Du hörst zu, Du spendest Trost
doch wer tröstet Dich auf seinem Schoß?

Glaub mir, die Herzen fliegen Dir zu
Du eroberst sie im Nu
Lerne, ihnen zu vertrauen
und auf ihre Stärke zu bauen.

Denn auf diesem Fundament
Du Deine Stärke erkennst
Dir Deine Schwäche dann vergibst
und Dich endlich so, wie ich es tu, liebst.

For my sake

There's no one gonna hold me up
don't make a scene, enough is enough
the referee has counted you out
theres nothing left for you here now.

And babe, to be honest
I really can promise
that I won't be looking back
for my sake, there'll be no regret.

I often felt empty inside
'cause someone drained me of all of my pride.
He stole the only soul I had
and tossed it grinning in the trash.

You sucked me out, just for fun
but darling, I dont need a gun
to take back what's rightfully mine
to finally feel free and fine.

My name is new, call me revenge,
come closer now and feel my strength
See how I am done with fear
Watch me, baby, I am here!

Thank you

I breathe in, breathe out
'till the noises stop being so loud
'till the thoughts cease their race
and I am finally ready to face
my body, my soul
my spirit all whole

Thank you for giving me calm,
thank you for keeping me warm.
For the love I have to give,
for the life that I may live.

Thank you for my family
that you love both them and me
thank you for our physical health
and our emotional and worldly wealth.
And especially my husband, this wonderful man
who loves me just the way I am.

So I breathe out, breathe in
now the day can begin.
Trusting that I'm always blessed
I can face the world and the rest.

Lucky

It's spring again, we are on fire!
Stick around and I'll take you higher.
You fit me like the proverbial glove,
can't stop falling deeper into your love.

Could it be 
that you and me 
just for once
are the lucky ones?

Everybody told me love was blind
But seeing you just blew my mind.
And after all these years it still feels so fine
like falling in love for the very first time.


Time by time, the stars align,
boy and girl meet by great design:
Yes, it can be 
that you and me
just for once
are the lucky ones!


-Für meinen Schatz, ich liebe Dich!-

Nothing left

I remember it like yesterday,
the dream in my eyes to light my way. 
And that smile on my face.
God, I'm missing those days.


I forgot what really got in the way.
Maybe the sun should take the blame
cause it wouldnt shine on me,
the rain made me get down on my knees.


I rhyme up things that are poetic at best.
Make believe there was a time that I wasn't like the rest.
Now I'm leaving this all behind,
and there is nothing gonna change my mind.


Stop slowing me down, stop holding me up.
Here I stand, enough's enough.
What can I do but make this vow
for there's nothing left for me here now.

For now I finally see
all I ever lost, was me...

Foolish heart

My heart so weak

wants to hold and keep

doesn't want to let go

of his kindred soul.

I push him away then draw him near

so full of love and full of fear.

Oh my foolish foolish heart,

you let temptation play its part.

I play my game and I play it well,

but over again I get dragged to hell.

I call the fire but can I deal with the flames?

That's the dangerous thing with those games.

There are rules I guess I won't ever learn,

cause where there's fire someone's bound to get burned...

Out of bounds

Well, there was this time 

when I drank a little wine

and gave in to you like I never should

even though we both knew I would.

For a short time it was good for me,

I felt as happy as could be,  

but now I walk on a hot tin roof,

avoiding and yet wanting you...

Your company is bad for me

so get back to where we used to be.

Just keep your hands to yourself,

I sure have had enough of your help.

And we both know that I can

and will not stop to give a damn...

But babe, though I still want you around

listen, by now I'm out of bounds!

Ikebana

Wer liebt das Schöne auf der Welt?
Sanft, wie Tau, der auf Blüten fällt.
Warm, wie Wind am Sommertag
Weich, wie der Schnee, der im Winter lag.

Wer schätzt mich, weiblich wie ich bin?
Selbst Mutter, Liebende und Kind.
Ich bin nicht laut, ich will nicht schrein,
meine Welt ist leise, zart und fein.

Die Nähe und Wärme, die ich gebe,
schützt, heilt und feiert das Leben.
Und es ist gut so wie ich bin,
das Yang gibt dem Ying erst seinen Sinn.

Also, Du laute und egoistische Welt:
Ich lebe so wie es mir gefällt.
Nein, ich stimme nicht ein
in Dein Jammern, Rennen und Schrein!

Wasser

Feuer ist einfach nicht meins.
Was habt Ihr gegen Wasser und Eis?
Eis konserviert, es lindert Schmerz.
Wasser kommt vom Himmel, es lebt in meinem Herz.

Ja, dies ist mein Element
weil ohne Wasser die Erde verbrennt.
Und nichts lebt, nichts sich regt
weil ohne Wasser einfach nichts geht.

Es nährt und liebt Dich, so wie ich,
die nährend und liebend und weiblich ist.
Sanft und zart fliesst es dahin
doch wenn die Flut kommt, dann rat ich Dir: Schwimm!

Denn Wasser ist nicht sanft allein,
es kann auch wütend und brausend sein.
Wasser hat alles, was das Leben gibt
drum lieb ich das Wasser so wie ich das Leben lieb.

Und Ihr, die Ihr das Feuer vergöttert,
immer den Sturm sucht und das Gewitter.
Schaut mit offenen Augen in die Welt
ist Feuer wirklich die einz'ge Macht, die gefällt?

One night

Tension in the night.
So wrong and yet so right.
As my smile meets your eyes,
we get devoured by the fires.
And let go of all control,
like animals at the watering hole.

Kisses, heat and sweat.
No time to reach the bed.
The air is rich and dense,
I feel you so intense, so tense.
Our bodies, entangled and entwined,
feel how this night makes sanity blind.

You? I? We! stop to think
within just a moments' blink.
There's just the heat, you, now
no questions of why or how.
Just us, no him, no her
inside this feverish blurr.
In this oh so frantic tumble,
all thoughts crash down and crumble.

But as it fades, the moment's lust,
like ghosts they rise up from the dust.
A menacing shadow in between
the 'we' that you and me had been.
Till both, shame and uncertainty
seperate the you from the me.
Until there's nothing left of us
but one night of frantic lust...

Faded away

Oh, how I understand you now
your desperately whispered vow
to never dare and trust anyone
and why you've become what youve become

It's hard to stay healthy and whole
for such a kind and fragile soul
when the world in which you live
just swallows what you have to give

But your eyes, they know
the darkness in my soul
they reveal what you couldn't say
your silent screams as your mind slipped away

Yes, this world was never dedicated to
a spirit as frail and beautiful as you.
It made your bright blossom fade so slow
and now it lies crushed on the virgin snow...

Bleed

How twisted can one relationship be?
Thank God that you reminded me
of why I am so sick inside
and why you just never feel right.

You really thought your words
should have hushed the hurts
but darling, I'm not dumb.
I still remember what you've done.

All these scars I bear
do itch and are still there
right beneath my skin
where you have always been

So don't you dare
to ask me to care.
For there is no way
you'll be more than a play.

I enjoy you wanting me
and your enticing fantasies.
I love to make you watch
but I'll stay always out of touch.

I show you what you'll never get
and watch you suffer knowing that.
I want to see you bleed and all
for revenge gets sweeter the more you crawl.

Depression

To stand outside your virtue,
no one can ever hurt you.
or so they say.
But hurt will find a way...


And you already know,
how the story will go.
She crawls into your window,
just hides inside the shadow.
And even though you're dreaming,
she's unlocked the meaning
that sometimes the dreams inside your brain
can kill the soul and leave the pain.

My world

I invite you to a world
inhabited by a little girl
where there is no such thing as time
just take the pill and drink the wine

and that little girl
inside her scary world
has locked herself inside the closet
to fight the monsters under her bed

and though she keeps up her vigilence
every ounce of innocence
is ripped to bits and shreds
by the monsters in her head.


and just like in the books on your shelves
the girl becomes a monster herself
so if you trust your state of mind
just enter and see what you will find!

Cinnamon

My life is cinnamon
like the dream I'm living in.
I am oh so happy,
as happy as a girl can be.

Watch me in my suburb mansion,
my husband is so fucking handsome
and loves to park his aston marten
right in front of our big green garden.

The sun sparkles on my gems
when I'm barbecuing with my children and friends.
I love hiking in the Hamptons, jogging on the beach,
pilates and zumba lessons just in walking reach.

Watch me on my charity events,
talking rich men out of dollars and cents.
They buy so many sparkling drinks
as sparkling as their wedding rings.

And watch me in their swimming pools
the water keeps me nice and cool.
In my expensive Gucci bikini,
sipping on my cold martini.

But in case that I get bored,
I need to be loved and adored.
So come a littler closer, and be
my random toy, the next to fuck me...

Lose control

I'll never let you see
the secret side of me
I keep it caged
but I can feel its rage

That dark part I keep
Hid under lock and key
Cause if I let her out
she'll tear me up and break me down

But the walls have worn so thin
how long can I hold her in?
She's scratching on the walls
In the closet, in the halls
Hiding underneath my bed
In my body, in my head

There's no escape for me
No one can hear me scream
Can she really be

just deep inside of me?

God save my soul

I'm gonna lose control...

Doesn't matter

Yesterday he broke it to me

that I had just been too blind to see

what he was really all about

too precluded by my doubt

said that I never knew him at all

if I thought that for me he didn't fall

that I couldn't have really believed

he'd think to be better off without me

he called me foolish to buy him claiming
he wouldn't be thinking about me, craving
so many things he did conceal
that he left me no room to find out what I feel

I thought I knew the truth but I was wrong
It doesn't matter, for the moment passed on.
We can't undo what lead us to this place
So let's set it to rest and go on with our ways...

Lost in the sin

My skin burns with my deep craving for

your hands on my body to unlock that door 

Let me feel your heart on my breast,

for in these moments I know that I'm blessed

I'll always answer your call to me. 

I'll always dance to your tempting beat. 

I couldn’t  if I wanted to

defy and deny the touch of you.

I only feel free

when you hold on to me.
Your skin on my skin
I get lost in the sin...

So right

Hold me tighter—it’s not too hard. 
I can't wait to play my part.

As we lose all sense of time,

your eyes are always seeking mine.

They flame up burning as you see 

the look on my face once you're entering me. 

When you are so perfectly mine,

you keep my darkest fears in line.

Before, we never felt whole,

just two lost halves of one soul. 

Until our lips dared that first kiss.

Until our bodies joined like this...

Butterfly chaser

The night falls,
the flesh calls.
Makes me the butterfly chaser,
the endorphin racer.

Wanting the rush,
that sweet red flush
across my cheek
as your eyes I seek.

Yes, I want to,
need to
feel the would you,
should you
of the moment,
that hovering scent
as your skin brushes mine
for the first time.

I enjoy the warmth that radiates
like that first glass of wine in my veins,
energizing my toes and limbs,
'till my whole body humms with silent hymns.

'Till it drowns out the music, the world, and time.
'till nothing's left but these lazily fluttering lashes of mine.
And the stuttered drag of your thumb down my cheek,
that makes my stomach jump and knees go weak.

As you brush my flushed flesh with your van Gogh strokes,
you let me suffocate in your fires' smoke,
and let me drown within your burning flames,
while you watch from the corner with your bottle of rain.

And when I've held on as long as I can,
when both, my screaming body and brain
long for so much more of you
and nothing but your touch and taste will do,
I'll give in to your poisoning dew
I'll finally give in to you...

-Ich-

Free to live

There I was, walking in the wrong direction
'till I could barely recognize my own reflection.
Scared of love, scared of trust,
scared to feel, scared of lust,
scared of life alone,
I lost my sense of home.
Playing it safe right from the start
with walls around to hide my heart.

But there's no use in protecting your soul
life's just something you can't control.
Hidden away, you grow cold and still,
protected, but frozen in the chill.
Trying to save me, I lay low,
but now it's time to let it go.

Don't know what happened in the end,
but I guess I'm ready to trust again!
I can feel the time to move on,
stayed hidden in fear for much too long.
Tiptoeing out of my dark cave,
I carefully sniff out this life I craved.

After all this time I've learnt
that I'll survive getting burned.
No matter when or where or how,
yes, I can dare to shout it out loud!
Here I am, ready to give!
Free to dance, to love and to live!

The saint's desperate fight

The saint within the sinner

a voice that gets thinner and thinner

the sinner's lost her nerve

and this is just what I deserve.

Unable to face the dark,
there's pain so familiar and close to the heart.
Unable to bear the walls in between,
The saint desperately tries to come clean.

'I know we can make it out alive,
together we are strong to fight!'
'Stay with me, you're all I have left

you're my silver lining, my breath!'

Clutching the path that leads to nowhere

she starts to try breathing thin air

Still struggling and prone to drown

she can't let go of the hand that holds her down...

-Ich-

Fight, scratch and bite

I take a breath, lets begin!

I'll start the fight that you won't win.
I've had enough to step through that door,
I don't care 'bout you no more.

Now you'd better run for cover
you set the seed that made the world colder.

Cause all in all you are no good, 

I hope you cry like you should.

So, here we go, does it hurt?
I enjoy to see you crawling in the dirt

For I still remember your twisted smile
as I lay before your jaded eyes.

Me, I'll never be able to leave this place,
I'm stuck here for the rest of my days.

-Ich-

Recovered my soul

Look what you have made of me,

damn, you never tried to see!

You hurt me when I needed you,
left me lonely and abused.
Taught me that my feelings were wrong
and I believed you for so long.

But all this is long over now.
You lost the power to take me down.
Nothing but a self-absorbed child,
nothing but egoism run wild,
not worth being saved you from yourself,
how could you dare ask me for help???

I cannot change what happened then,
but I will be standing in the end.

Though physically, I'll still be there

don't believe I'll ever care.

Sometimes it seemed useless to fight
but now there are angels by my side.
Who bothered to dig beneath the rust
and taught me how to love and trust.

Though I know you'll always be
the darkest and loniest part of me
my life finallly feels whole
in the end I recovered my soul.


-Ich-

Queen of Emptyness

You are the empty queen

pretending to be anything

happy, interested or bored
a perfect facade to be adored
and no question ever reaches your head
because what you want you always get

Do you believe in fear?
I know it's always here. 

Do you believe in love?

Then why do you push and shove?
You often dream while being awake,

but never believed in things you can't break,

and never trusted anyone you can't tame.

But now I finally know your name.

I pity your lonely fate

filled with insecurity and hate.

A story so empty and sad,
you wasted all you ever had.

I guess this is what you earn
when you are unwilling to learn...
And still I can see on your shelf
nothing but lies to sell yourself...

-Ich-

Decision

Do we really want to be just friends?

Stop spending these precious nights again?

I know it’s never safe for us,
this life has no room for our lust.
And though danger never rests,
I can't stop asking what comes next.
If soon we'll be able to sneak away...
Damn it, I know one day we'll have to pay!

You, you are not ashamed,
to you, this is still all the same.
But I'm slowly devoured by my guilt,
watching my self-fulfillling prophecy get fulfilled...
Cause too frightened to take heed,
I might fail to destroy suspicion's seed.

But things between us are getting worse,
the more intense it grows, the more it hurts.
So, no I am not made of stone,
but I'll have to make this decision alone...

-Ich-

Just friends

When will we get the time to be just friends?
when will things return to what they were then?

Damn, how I want to touch you
need to feel you through and through
and this feeling just gets worse
oh how unfulfilled desire hurts...

It's only dangerous when caution's at rest,
so I'll stay sleepless, thats for the best.
Yet my thoughts go on and on
asking when we'll be alone...

No, I am not ashamed
for you and me, we're still the same.
But I know the guilt would kill you,
the pain in her eyes if she ever knew.

So we need to find the time
to get back to reason and rhyme.
We'll get through this shit together
this desire just won't live forever.

Sooner or later we'll manage to be friends
and just enjoy each others company again...

-Ich-

Creeping back

Then, there were nights that my body froze in bed,
memories made then were the worst I ever had.
There were days so cruel that I almost turned to dust,
being the ember to his all-consuming lust.

Then, there was more violence and cruelty than should exist.
And whenever I tried to stand up and clench my fist,
he just hurt me even worse and so much deeper,
making the path to myself stonier and steeper.

Then, I was caught up in the net he tried to weave
but I finished crying the instant I made him leave.
He was history with the slamming of that door,
and I tried to pick myself up from the floor.

I cannot remember when or how,
'cause I buried it all inside me with a vow.
I never wasted any time on him since then,
yet he's creeping up my mind over again.

Now, when you touch me like this,
or let me taste your sweet kiss,
I cannot help but see
it all coming back to me.

Now, when I hold you tight
in the cold and dark night,
I long to deny the fact,
but it's all creeping back...

Ours to be

With you my moments are gold,

our future brightly unfolds.
This is the life I treasure,
I burst to bloom within your pleasure.

But when you whisper in my ear,
sometimes it's not you, it's him I hear.
It was gone that long ago,
but now it's crawling back so slow.

It was buried and dead,
'cause I ran as far as I could get.
Now I can barely recall,
and yet I can still feel it all.

If you can forgive me for who I am, 

I know my fight has not been in vain.
Yes, if we both forgive and forget,
he might not find a way back.

If you see me like I am,
and you love me with all that you can,
the flesh and the fantasy
for once might become ours to be...

She

It's a dangerous game
to know her name.
She is wild, she is free
and she's calling for me
from inside my mind,
enticing me to unwind.

The blink of her eye
can mean hello and goodbye.
Coming to take away
everything I so painfully gained.

She is life, she is love
but beware her unbending wrath.
She can give me what I need
if I let go of rules and heed.

I love to fly away on her wings,
no boundaries, no strings.
So I follow her call and walk the wire,
soon to be consumed by her fire...

Run

Your touch feels like home,
that's why I'll soon be gone.
It conjured up too many ghosts
and I've had way enough of those.
I'll hit the road by the light of day,
for I was built to be on my way...

As much as I would love to hold on,
my eyes will tell you that I'm already gone.
Being the one who walks with the wind,
I know that my inner gipsy will win.
Though now my heart feels bound to you,
this feeling scares me through and through.

I have been this strong before
so I straighten my back and walk out that door.

Don't you worry, I'll be fine.
The wounds you left will heal in time.
Life on the road will help me through,
for there is more than me and you.
And soon the sun will rise again,
just promise to think of me now and then...

-Ich-

Stop

STOP is such a beautiful word.
Stop would take an end to the hurt.

Stop would finally make me free.
Stop would heal me and let me breathe.

Stop is really not hard to say,
but somehow I don't find a way.

Afraid that stop will put an end
to those unhealthy habits that became my friend.

For stop would stop the security,
that those habits can give to me.

Can't find another way, I guess...
So I just won't stop saying: 'YES!'.


-Ich-

Another night

Smothered by the emptiness
I wish I was made of stone and nothing less...

A heart, that's worn and weathered
would surely know better
then to step out into the rain
and believe it won't get drowned by the pain.

Unable to cry for help
ice-cold and cruel to myself
I am laughing through my tears,
let nobody see my fears.
A good facade is all it takes
but one more smile is all I can fake...

This wound inside bleeds like a flood,
why can nobody see I'm drenched in blood?
Why doesn't anybody look at me?
God damn this healthy woman I appear to be!

Then understanding pounds me like a wave:
My shell works in two different ways!
It keeps them out but locks me in
and I let go as dusk begins.
Surrounded by another night
suddenly I know how to fight.

-Ich-

Think again!

You must be out of your mind,
I have to say it this unkind.
This was a simple design
And you really fucked up this time

I can't see anything in your eyes,
and the more I see, the less I like.
You make me suffer for your lovers mistakes,
while you cannot stop kissing my face.

Did you really believe you could break my heart?
It takes so much more than you to take me apart.

Did you think a man as insecure as you,
could change the course of things I do?

Did you think you controled me in the end?
Well my darling, think again!

-Ich-

Not my friend

It's a crime that you happened to me.
Nevermind, I was so eager to please.
You took my body, now look in my face.
You never bothered to know my ways.

At times I feel you creeping up
why didn't I manage to make a clean cut?
You cling to my mind again and again.
Have I been fighting you in vain?

You made it so easy
to fall apart completely.
You left me to die,
but I have survived.
Alone.
A heart of stone.

Damn it, you are not my friend!
You showed me how stranded I am.
With no trace of self-esteem left,
I managed to clean your fucking mess.
Now able to stand strong I rise,
with no forgiveness in my eyes.

-Ich-

Survive

You wonder why I look so battered,

as though my whole world was shattered.

Yes, I fought for quite some time,
don't worry, finally I'm fine.

I may have some bruises and cuts,
but they will heal to silvery scars.

and I know I will survive,
hey, I got out of this alive.

Sure, I burned both my hands,
I learnt what not to do again.

Beneath my scars the skin's thicker in a way.
Yes, time does heal like they use to say.

From each and every battle, you see,
I managed to rise in victory.

Being myself was all it took,
I guess I'm not as frail as I look!

-Ich-

I will walk

I know you're hurt and what you've been trough

and I hate to see your self-fulfillling prophecy come true.
Without proof you always accused me I'd go,
and this way made it easy for me to do just so,
by being quite a bitch for real,
expecting me to swallow everything I feel.

Indeed, I never left someone so painlessly,
'cause everyday you worked hard to prove to me
that you cannot be worth my time
or worth my feelings in any kind.

Darling, this is not my fight
I can't fix you, you know that, right?
And I will not be the battleground
for your struggle to stay out of bounds.

Yes, you may be weak,
tenderly, I touch your cheek.
Hush baby, no need to talk,
we both know that I will walk...

-Ich-