Grown

She did say no
though she didn't say it loud
she whispered and pleaded to let go
but she didn't scream and shout

She was still that little girl
too scared to stand up to him
lying there, enduring the hurt
afraid that 'no' could be a sin

I can feel her hopelessness
lying there, whispering for help
and I blame her even less
for 'twas her like me who never yelled

No, we are not to blame
and this is why I make this vow
to never again just take the shame
for  we are grown up women now
--------------------------------------

yes, She did say no
whispered and pleaded to let go
no, she didn't say it loud
No,  she didn't scream and shout

She was still that little girl
lying there, enduring the hurt
too scared to stand up to him
afraid that 'no' could be a sin

I can feel her hopelessness
and I blame her even less
for 'twas her like me who never yelled
just lying there, praying for help

No, we are not to blame
and this is why I make this vow
to never again just take the shame
for  we are grown up women now

Life of a caterpillar

It's been hard work spinning me in,
been such a long time since I did begin.
So many long years in strife and pain,
already doubting there'd be any gain.

Though hiding scared in my healing cocoon,
yet I never stopped dreaming of the moon.
'Cause it was her voice that I've always heard
leading me through all the hurt.

And now there it was, another voice,
ringing clearly above the word's noise.
The sun sang its wonderful melody,
telling tales of things to be.

Enticing me, asking me why
I never saw moon AND sun in the sky.
It kindled the sudden and overwhelming need
to follow them both and made me complete.

'Cause without the one, the other can't be,
that's why I lived with only one half of me.
Filled with the sun's fire and the calm of the  moon,
I finally stepped out of my cocoon.

And here I am, fluttering all shy,
sitting on the branches, too scared yet to fly.
I still have to get used to those frail wings,
gain trust that they'll carry me above all things.

But the longer the hot sun burns on my skin,
making all my colours glow bright from within,
the more I steadily recognize,
that my place has always been here, right in the skies!

Der Wicht

Wann immer sie kommt, die alte Flut,
die Enttäuschung, die Angst und auch die Wut.
Wann immer Du sie suchst, die Schuld
begegne ihr nur mit Geduld
und denke an den armen Wicht,
der Dein Beweis war, und mehr nicht.

Du suchtest die Qual, wolltest das Leid,
trugst es wie ein schmückendes Kleid.
Kämpftest wie ein Löwin stark
um zu erreichen den glorreichen Tag
an dem er ganz und gar Dir gehöre
und er sich ganz in Dir verlöre.

Doch was geschah, kaum, dass es erreicht?
Das ersehnte Ziel wurde Dir gleich.
Denn was Du suchtest war Friede und Ruh
und diesen Frieden hattest du.
In einem Zuhause beständig und warm,
in Deines geliebtes Mannes Arm.
Doch geniessen konntest Du all das nicht
ohne der Schuld Gegengewicht.

Drum sieh, das was Dein Geist ersehnt
nur selten den Weg zur Zufriedenheit wähnt.
Das, was Du brauchst ist das, was du hast.
Geniesse es ohne die Last,
die Du Dir immer aufgezwungen.
Sieh her, es ist bereits gelungen!
Öffne die Augen, du musst es nur glauben,
hör auf, Dir selber das Leben zu rauben!

Not thinking

Woke up beside you and a bottle of champaign

damn, how did we let this happen again?

I always end up letting you in,

we both fight this fight and we both never win

When I start drinking, 

I'm just not thinking...

I should have listened to all of my friends,

Same road and always the same dead ends,

But I can't forget you when you're gone,

and you can't leave as long as I'm holding on.

So what can I say?

yes, I made a mistake 

you'll never change, I know

but when you're with me, I start to glow.

Every time that I start to forget

There you come, showing up in my head

then you go and leave me with nothing

and all my dreams come down crushing

I'm dying inside 'cause I don't have a clou,

how the hell you manage to get through!

Do you, too just pretend

and then sit and cry in the end?

I know it'll just stay the same,

I proudly take my part of the blame. 

while we'll both be holding on

Even though we know that it's wrong...

Already broken

I just can't get my heart over you.

Why do you creep into everything I do? 

Having nothing and yet so much to lose,

I lay here, all beat down and bruised.

Reminding me to let go of you, 

I'm breaking all down each time I do. 

How long until this goes away?

How long can I keep those demons at bay?

About to break what's already broken. 

I try to breathe but I'm only choking.

He is there, and so are you,

between you, I kneel, lost and confused.

Inner devil

You want my company tonight?
Well boy, I can give it to you right.
I'll take us to a higher level
'cause hell, you've woken up my devil.
You foolishly unlocked his cage in me,
and my devil and me, we're one hell of a team.


You should be careful what you're wishing for,
there's no way back if we step out that door.
And even though I didn't come here for a ride,
if you wanna bark boy, you better have a bite!
'Cause everytime the devil breaks free,
he locks up and just throws away the key...

I ain't been crazy for much too long, 

yet in your eyes I can see nothing wrong.

I tried so hard to hold me down
but damn, I feel good when he comes around.

By now his foot is on the pedal,
yes, I love my inner devil!

Thing for you

Yesterday, there was no warningand now that it's already morningWhere do you want to go from here?Are your thoughts of me more clear?
I know the night was hazybut as your eyes flutter lazyI remember the movements of your backand over and over kissing your neck.I remember laying you down,remember loving all your sounds
Yes, boy I got a thing for youThough I know that you have someone whoWonders where you were last nightsomeone nice to share your life.
But here, in bed, looking at youI sure don't think that we are through'cause last night you blew my mind.And as our lips touch one more time...As I feel your body move...I really got a thing for....you...

Both sides of me

They've always been there, what can I do?
How to combine them, I don't have a clou.
But I know I need her, that bad little girl
to enjoy my peaceful world.
Need my world of love and trust
to run to a place where all is lost.

'Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose',
that's what I sing when I get the blues.
But most of the time - and that's the shit-
my freedoms means that I don't fit.
For I am just a two-men-girl,
constantly living in two different worlds.


My foot on the pedal loves the speed

still not knowing where this road may lead.

For as much as I do love my home

I love the streets, that I use to roam.

I guess the only way to ever feel free
is to start loving both sides of me.

Use me

She has a life full of love
yet it's never enough.
She'll take my heart
and tear it apart.
But hey, it's allright
as long as I'm the one tonight...

I'm burning with fire
Yeah, she's a liar
and a careless con
I know that it's wrong

But I'm not crazy, I won't fight it

she's gonna use me and I'm gonna like it!

Challenge

Am I really worth her while?
I sure cannot compare to her style
but no matter what she puts me through
I can stand it, it's me she runs to

I know it's wrong, but I'm on fire
she says she loves me but I know she's a liar
so I'll just have to clench my fist
and smile as long as I'm first on her list

Yet her ways  kind of hurt my pride
tickling and teasing the monster inside.
So if you wanna play it this way
come on baby, I won't back away!

Let's see if you can take my heart
trample on it and tear it apart
or if it's your turn to be one of the fools
stumbling over your own stupid rules.

Innocence lost

Me and God, we don't get along.
So come to me, your arms are so strong.
And while you posesss me I try to believe
that this is my heaven how it ought to be.

I don't care about the cost,
don't care if my innocence is lost.
I live a life of freedom and dirt,
I take back some pleasure for every hurt.

Yes, I was being fucked hard
by a life that only imitated art.
In a land of monsters and fake beauty queens
God's dead, but that's alright with me.

Kingdom of monsters

Lost in the land of Monsters and Gods,
still surviving against all odds.
An angel alone in the garden of evil,
screwed up, scared and doing what she needed.

Life took away with cruelty
her softness, her kindness, her sanity.
How much of an angel is still there,
buried deep inside of her?

Too high is the cost of mere survival,
one more soul lost to Gods rival.
Yes, in the kingdom of monsters
your light will fade 'till it's one of theirs...

Different

Why do I want this, I never should,
I always ruin anything good.
And though I wish for it in my dreams,
I'm too afraid of balance it seems.

No lover before ever really could touch me,
love was fun, laughter and awfully free...
But he, he is different, my rules don't apply, 
so I need some distance to step out of line.
And as head over heels I run and take flight
I realize it's just myself that I fight...

Zwei Wege

Du bist das Leben, das ich nicht gelebt.
Der Teil des Netzes, den ich nicht gewebt.
Die Erfahrung, die ich nicht gemacht.
Bist Du der Tag, dann bin ich die Nacht.

Lockst mich mit deinem lieblichen Schein
"Komm her zu mir, hier willst Du sein!"
Doch wie für die Motte das helle Licht
Bist Du meine Erlösung nicht.

Zwei Straßen, so ungleich wie's nur geht
Und ich, ich wählte meinen Weg.
Wo eine Tür aufgeht, geht eine andre zu.
Und diese Tür, das bist Du.

My dear friend

My dear adventurous friend,

you got me into massive trouble again...

I hear the sunset's lonely call

as the night's about to fall.

And your cloudy shadow becomes mine

as you come to get me one more time...

Just when I thought I won the fight

I feel your whispers deep inside,

saying: "Don't be afraid, I don't hurt anyone,

it's an innocent game that's just begun."

"But don't you dare become too proud,"

the choir of whispers becomes a shout,

warning:: "I know what's best for you

just give in my dear, just do!"

Like this it goes, both day and night

neither one will win the fight.

So what can I do in the end?

but give in to you, my friend...?

Like the sun and moon share one sky

you and me both share my life.

Making it so much richer this way,

keeping demons and fears at bay.

So I respect you now,  my friend,

looking forward to meet you again...

Rosa Monster

Hallo Monster, wie siehst Du heut aus?
Bist du groß wie'n Kirchturm oder mächtig wie'n Haus?
Du versuchst mir den Tag zu versauen
mich zu lähmen und die Zukunft zu verbauen.

Aber nein, Monster, nicht mir mir!
Ich mach Dich zu meinem Kuscheltier!
Kraft meiner Gedanken wirst Du ungefährlich
ein kleines Mönsterchen, vollkommen entbehrlich.

Ich mach Dich fluffig, rosa und pink
niedlich, weich, kuschelig oder flink.
Statt meine Nemesis zu sein
wandern wir gemeinsam über Stock und Stein.
Du bist mein Farbklecks am tristen Tag,
bist mein Beschützer, den ich mag.

Immer wenn Du versuchst ein Monster zu sein
setz ich die Kraft meiner Gedanken ein:
Du schrumpfst und ich nehm Dich auf meinen Arm.
Vorbei ist die Angst vor dem Monster-Alarm!

:)

Wie man sich bettet...

So lange konnte ich nicht verstehen
hab lang es nicht geschafft zu sehen,
dass nicht ich allein trage die Schuld
an Traurigkeit, Leid und Ungeduld,
der Menschen rund um mich herum
dies zu glauben wäre dumm.


Doch manchmal ist es so gesund
für meine Seele, geschunden und wund
einfach Verantwortung abzugeben
nur zu schauen auf mein eigenes Leben.

Vielleicht muss ich garnicht wütend sein
vielleicht auch nicht wahren den schönen Schein
denn jeder Mensch sollte wissen:
Er bettet sich auf seinem eigenen Kissen
und ist es unbequem, sieh her!
Trag nicht ich die Schuld, sondern er!

Wut?

Warum kann ich nicht wütend sein?
Stell ich mir damit selber ein Bein?
Traurig ja, verletzt sowieso.
Ausgelassen, frühlich un froh.

Doch die Wut entgleitet mir
wie ein geübtes Dschungeltier,
das sich im Unterholz versteckt
vom Jäger ewig unentdeckt.

Erfroren

Ich bin zu fragil für diese Welt.

Eine Feder, die statt nur fliegen nur fällt,

unsanft landet auf dem Asphalt

in schmutzigen Pfützen, nass und kalt.

Bald schon sieht gerupft sie aus,

und der Spiegel in meinem Haus

zeigt auch mir mein zerrupftes Ich,

deutlich in den Linien auf meinem Gesicht.

Der Schmerz und die Trauer dieser Welt

so oft aus dem Nichts über mich herfällt,

mich mitnimmt und mich trägt hinfort

an einen trüben grauen Ort.

An dem die Menschheit grausam scheint,

nichts Liebenswertes in sich vereint.

Und ich, einsam und verloren,

dazwischen, nahezu erfroren.

Familiarity of home

Lets get the story straight
there's so much about your ways I hate
you're nothing but egoism run wild
and a spirit so limited and blind.

In one second you're warm and giving
and the next moment you don't seem to care if I'm living
and because all that counts in your world is you
you don't notice the pain you're putting me through.

But you remind me of my mom
familiarity of home
that's the reason I couldn't let go
that's the reason I couldn't say no.

You and her, you're just the same
caught up in your fucking game
nothing but self-absorbed kids
to be honest, you're making me sick!

Finally, the struggle gets old
with persons so self-centered and cold
I'm done putting up with this shit
'cause I sure deserve more than you can give!

Verzagtes Herz

Verzagtes Herz
verdrängter Schmerz
Zweifel, der immer währt
und sich nicht um Wahrheit schert.

Doch Dein Herz ist zu schön
viel zu schön um zu vergehn
in diesem Morast
in dem Du Dich verfangen hast.

Ein Gemüt so sanft
wie nur eine Mutter sein kann
Du kümmerst und liebst
bist glücklich wenn du gibst.

Bist weich und warm
bin geborgen in deinem Arm
will der sein, an den Du Dich lehnst
wenn nach Halt du dich sehnst.

Du gibst den Gedanken andrer Gewicht
und verstehst doch Dich selber nicht
Du hörst zu, Du spendest Trost
doch wer tröstet Dich auf seinem Schoß?

Glaub mir, die Herzen fliegen Dir zu
Du eroberst sie im Nu
Lerne, ihnen zu vertrauen
und auf ihre Stärke zu bauen.

Denn auf diesem Fundament
Du Deine Stärke erkennst
Dir Deine Schwäche dann vergibst
und Dich endlich so, wie ich es tu, liebst.

For my sake

There's no one gonna hold me up
don't make a scene, enough is enough
the referee has counted you out
theres nothing left for you here now.

And babe, to be honest
I really can promise
that I won't be looking back
for my sake, there'll be no regret.

I often felt empty inside
'cause someone drained me of all of my pride.
He stole the only soul I had
and tossed it grinning in the trash.

You sucked me out, just for fun
but darling, I dont need a gun
to take back what's rightfully mine
to finally feel free and fine.

My name is new, call me revenge,
come closer now and feel my strength
See how I am done with fear
Watch me, baby, I am here!

Thank you

I breathe in, breathe out
'till the noises stop being so loud
'till the thoughts cease their race
and I am finally ready to face
my body, my soul
my spirit all whole

Thank you for giving me calm,
thank you for keeping me warm.
For the love I have to give,
for the life that I may live.

Thank you for my family
that you love both them and me
thank you for our physical health
and our emotional and worldly wealth.
And especially my husband, this wonderful man
who loves me just the way I am.

So I breathe out, breathe in
now the day can begin.
Trusting that I'm always blessed
I can face the world and the rest.

Lucky

It's spring again, we are on fire!
Stick around and I'll take you higher.
You fit me like the proverbial glove,
can't stop falling deeper into your love.

Could it be 
that you and me 
just for once
are the lucky ones?

Everybody told me love was blind
But seeing you just blew my mind.
And after all these years it still feels so fine
like falling in love for the very first time.


Time by time, the stars align,
boy and girl meet by great design:
Yes, it can be 
that you and me
just for once
are the lucky ones!


-Für meinen Schatz, ich liebe Dich!-

Nothing left

I remember it like yesterday,
the dream in my eyes to light my way. 
And that smile on my face.
God, I'm missing those days.


I forgot what really got in the way.
Maybe the sun should take the blame
cause it wouldnt shine on me,
the rain made me get down on my knees.


I rhyme up things that are poetic at best.
Make believe there was a time that I wasn't like the rest.
Now I'm leaving this all behind,
and there is nothing gonna change my mind.


Stop slowing me down, stop holding me up.
Here I stand, enough's enough.
What can I do but make this vow
for there's nothing left for me here now.

For now I finally see
all I ever lost, was me...

Foolish heart

My heart so weak

wants to hold and keep

doesn't want to let go

of his kindred soul.

I push him away then draw him near

so full of love and full of fear.

Oh my foolish foolish heart,

you let temptation play its part.

I play my game and I play it well,

but over again I get dragged to hell.

I call the fire but can I deal with the flames?

That's the dangerous thing with those games.

There are rules I guess I won't ever learn,

cause where there's fire someone's bound to get burned...

Out of bounds

Well, there was this time 

when I drank a little wine

and gave in to you like I never should

even though we both knew I would.

For a short time it was good for me,

I felt as happy as could be,  

but now I walk on a hot tin roof,

avoiding and yet wanting you...

Your company is bad for me

so get back to where we used to be.

Just keep your hands to yourself,

I sure have had enough of your help.

And we both know that I can

and will not stop to give a damn...

But babe, though I still want you around

listen, by now I'm out of bounds!

Ikebana

Wer liebt das Schöne auf der Welt?
Sanft, wie Tau, der auf Blüten fällt.
Warm, wie Wind am Sommertag
Weich, wie der Schnee, der im Winter lag.

Wer schätzt mich, weiblich wie ich bin?
Selbst Mutter, Liebende und Kind.
Ich bin nicht laut, ich will nicht schrein,
meine Welt ist leise, zart und fein.

Die Nähe und Wärme, die ich gebe,
schützt, heilt und feiert das Leben.
Und es ist gut so wie ich bin,
das Yang gibt dem Ying erst seinen Sinn.

Also, Du laute und egoistische Welt:
Ich lebe so wie es mir gefällt.
Nein, ich stimme nicht ein
in Dein Jammern, Rennen und Schrein!

Wasser

Feuer ist einfach nicht meins.
Was habt Ihr gegen Wasser und Eis?
Eis konserviert, es lindert Schmerz.
Wasser kommt vom Himmel, es lebt in meinem Herz.

Ja, dies ist mein Element
weil ohne Wasser die Erde verbrennt.
Und nichts lebt, nichts sich regt
weil ohne Wasser einfach nichts geht.

Es nährt und liebt Dich, so wie ich,
die nährend und liebend und weiblich ist.
Sanft und zart fliesst es dahin
doch wenn die Flut kommt, dann rat ich Dir: Schwimm!

Denn Wasser ist nicht sanft allein,
es kann auch wütend und brausend sein.
Wasser hat alles, was das Leben gibt
drum lieb ich das Wasser so wie ich das Leben lieb.

Und Ihr, die Ihr das Feuer vergöttert,
immer den Sturm sucht und das Gewitter.
Schaut mit offenen Augen in die Welt
ist Feuer wirklich die einz'ge Macht, die gefällt?

One night

Tension in the night.
So wrong and yet so right.
As my smile meets your eyes,
we get devoured by the fires.
And let go of all control,
like animals at the watering hole.

Kisses, heat and sweat.
No time to reach the bed.
The air is rich and dense,
I feel you so intense, so tense.
Our bodies, entangled and entwined,
feel how this night makes sanity blind.

You? I? We! stop to think
within just a moments' blink.
There's just the heat, you, now
no questions of why or how.
Just us, no him, no her
inside this feverish blurr.
In this oh so frantic tumble,
all thoughts crash down and crumble.

But as it fades, the moment's lust,
like ghosts they rise up from the dust.
A menacing shadow in between
the 'we' that you and me had been.
Till both, shame and uncertainty
seperate the you from the me.
Until there's nothing left of us
but one night of frantic lust...