The Art of Forgiveness

I wrote a journal, gave it to the world
to tell the  story of when I was just a girl
and that man who robbed me of my trust
made me lose and question everything I loved

And her, she didn't listen, didn't want to see
but the child she wanted me to be
and I spent half an adult life
reevaluating the pain and strife
all over trying to unterstand
why my own flesh and blood did not lend me that hand

Just 13, I felt lost and confused
couldn't stand being alone and used
so my mind did that wonderful thing
and turned the violence into conceived loving

Now grown I wander off looking for them
basking in that spark of abuse in every man
I invite them to step out of line
and when they do, oh do I cry

The body that never was mine before
now lies broken and empty on the floor
I could always feel but didn't see
what a mess all of this had made of me
for the longer I could not stand up to my needs
the paler and stiller I grew in this life I lead
created a shell for everyone to see
hiding the fact that inside it was free
of any substance, love and trust
just a thick and ugly crust.

Never, please never again
I so wish to for once feel free of the pain
How can I break the spell
and step out of that swirling carussell
stand strong for myself this time
no need to be loved, no need to streamline

It's time to stop searchng that grief and pain
given to me by abusive men

to finally surround me by people who can
respect me for just what I am

and it's about time I made it, then
and shout:: Never, never again.

-Ich-